Ramblins...
- Happy 2009! This is my first "ramblins" of the year. The year for me has gotten off to a pretty decent start. I don't plan to post much about breast cancer this year after this post, with the exception of occasional updates. To all those in my Vox family that provided words of encouragement, blessings and positive vibes - THANK YOU! You helped me get through a rough year and your support was appreciated!
- Funny thing is... for the last couple of week I've wanted to disassociate myself from all things cancer related. I think it has to do with it being a new year and being told I was "cancer free" the first week in December. I really want to put it all behind me. I thought through this yesterday - I don't think that I can ever do that. It's part of who I am now - forever. And is it really healthy to do that? I have been skipping my group sessions at Gilda's why? Because it and the people there remind me of cancer. I blew off a rehab appointment for my arm yesterday. Why? Because I did not want to look at Presbyterian Hospital yesterday and be reminded of cancer. I can't get away from it if I tried though. When I pass a mirror and see the peach fuss pattern of my hair growing back in - I'm reminded I had cancer. When I shower and brush my hand across the bump that is the medi-port still in my chest for the purpose of infusions - I'm reminded I had cancer. Every 21 days I return to the hospital for the infusion of Herceptin. I sit in a room full of other patients in different stages of receiving chemotherapy - I'm reminded I had cancer. Yea, I need to get my ass back over to Gilda's for my Wellness Group!
- Had my first mammogram since the breast cancer diagnosis today. I have to say I was nervous! Went back to Dr. J's office, where it all started last March. She was happy to see me and said I looked great! She also did a sonogram of the breast that had the cancer. She said everything looked great! She now has to see me every six months to do a mammogram of that breast because of the history. C went with me which was very cool! I think I would have beat every person in that office ass if she told me anything remotely close to "you have something strange, you have breast..., let's do a biopsy.." Instead she said every thing was fine and showed my sketches her 12 year daughter had done. Lucky for her :)
- When I was growing up my mother had a formal living room which we really didn't use much. It was always kept nice and used for special occassions. Your folks have a room like that? My mother also had underwear and night gowns that she reserved for "special" occassions. Didn't make a lot of sense when I was a kid, however as a grew older and had my own household I started doing the same thing! In previous homes I've had formal "off limits" rooms. No one could sit in the room, vaccum cleaner lines had to be present on the carpet. I loosened up on that in the last few years because I realized I wanted to live in every room in my home, and it was kinda dumb to have a room that no one used. Still, I had "things" reserved as "special" certain clothes, shoes, jewelry and even perfume. But why? I could die tonight and my daughter T would get all that shit! And knowing her, sell it on Ebay with no thought about it at all. I was talking to T about this yesterday... I told her I'm going to start wearing all my shit, all the time! Although, I work from home.. I'm going to stop reserving stuff... gonna spray on my Cartier perfume in the mornings, Prada in the evenings and wear my nicest jeans around the house. She laughed and said "when I come in from work you gonna be sitting up in here dressed in your best clothes, with your best jewlery and perfume on!" I told her you damn skippy! Why not? I need to stop thinking about living tomorrow and start living every day like its my last one - you dig?? Tomorrow is not promised.
- The house is coming along great! I asked the builder for a firm completion date. He is thinking it will be done mid March instead of the end. Barring any bad weather he has committed to providing the date within the next week or so.
- I think I have located the chairs I want for my sitting area in the kitchen. Teresa thanks for reminding me about E3Q. I went yesterday afternoon to look at one I saw online. They have about a 8 week shipping time, so I will see if I find anything I like better in the next week or so before ordering them.
- Work is going great! Easing into the new year with the perfect pace. Still some worrisome accounts, but I won't complain. I'm so blessed to have a job!
- T starts a new semester on the 19th. Had to drop the tuition for her classes this morning - yea as usual she waited to the last minute. She works nearly a 40 hour week on her part time job! In the voice of Rick Ross "every day she hustlin!"
- Dropping the mic!
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