Hopluv's Vox Blog

Met with the Medical Oncologist this morning - Dr.M (yes, a different Dr.M - not Dr.M the Surgeon).  She explained that I am HER2 positive and have a rapid growing cancer.   Even though the tumor was removed, there is a possibility that cancer may be "unseen" in other places - she stated that unequivicably I must have Chemotherapy due to the manner in which cancer cells grow in my body.

I will have six cycles of Chemotherapy (cycles occur every 3 weeks), my chemo cocktail will be Taxotere, Cytoxan and Herceptin.  After the six cycles I will continue with Herceptin every 3 weeks for 6 months.  Dr. M's nurse gave me three pages of definite and potential side affects I will encounter.  She also provided me with prescriptions for  a steroid and  two anti nausea drugs along with with a recipe for a mouth rinse and a nose spray.

It was all just too much today, information overload!  I honestly stopped listening because my mind just floated away as I started to think about what I did to deserve this.  Why me?

The nurse kept asking me if I wanted a prescription for a wig - "you sure you don't want one?" Losing my hair is not a major concern for me.  I've worn a short hair cut for almost 15 years - hair, or the lack there of, is not a big deal.  I was also told that I will have to have Dr.M (Surgeon) put a port in my chest for the administering of the Chemotherapy.  I DO NOT WANT A PORT IN MY CHEST!!!!

Next week, I have to get a bone scan, chest scan, and some heart analysis shit!!  The Chemotherapy is set to begin the first week in June, after the test next week and the port placement.

I reviewed my medical claims submitted to insurance since the diagnoses - $29K so far.  Cancer is expensive!  Thank god I have insurance.

With all this treatment news, beside the fact I'm heading into another weekend with this freakin drain still hanging at my side - it seems things would be better if I just put a pistol to my temple and pull the trigger.

Hey, I'm not one to pass on free food and drinks and with the economy they way it is today - I'm all over it!  T marked the calendars to make sure we got free Southern Style Chicken sandwiches from McDonald's today and also the free iced coffee Dunkin Donuts gave away all day today (until 10 PM).  Both were great!

Hoping all the mothers out there had a great Mother's Day!

• My mother being here would have made this Mother Day, the day it should have been for me.  It's been three year's worth of Mother's Days without her.  R.I.P Mom.
  
• I slept in this morning, which is odd because I should be caught up on sleep as I've had an abundance of sleep and rest over the last week!
• To my surprise T woke me up with an amazing bouquet of tropical flowers and a nice gift set from The Body Shop. I received calls and text messages from family, and friends I hadn't heard from in awhile.
• C took me and T to the Brazilian Steakhouse, Texas De Brazil for lunch - amazing!  I usually overdose on meat, however since the surgery my appetite hasn't been totally normal so I didn't enjoy the full benefit. 
  
• Another damper is that I'm still dragging this drain around under my arm!  I was so psyched to have it removed on Friday.  I met with my Surgeon, Dr. M and she burst my bubble, saying it was too soon to have it out, since there is still too much drainage from the removal of the lymph nodes under my right armpit. She could see the disenchantment in my face when she told me it would probably be Tuesday before she could remove it.  She asked what was wrong - I wanted to say "WOMAN, YOU ATTACHED PLASTIC TUBING AND A DAMN DRAIN PUMP UNDER MY ARM!"  "IT'S FOREIGN, IT DOESN'T BELONG THERE, THAT'S WHAT THE F*UCK IS WRONG!" Instead, I just said "Well, its awkward and uncomfortable and I was hoping to not have to deal with it Mother's Day weekend. With a long sleeve shirt on, it goes unnoticed, so that's good.  I understand the need for it to remain due to the fluid needing to drain from that area, if the drain isn't there it will settle in my arm causing a condition called Lymphedema - which would definitely not be a good look.
• The Friday visit wasn't all useless - she reviewed my Pathology report which she indicated was very good. The tumor was small 1.9 CM, my margins are all clear, of the 18 lymph nodes under my armpit, cancer had only spread from the breast to 2 of them - which she removed.   Both breast and lymph node incisions are healing nicely.   I am considered Stage 2, which falls under the "early detection" category.  One thing I wasn't looking forward to hearing was that I have to receive Chemotherapy, then Radiation Therapy which I already understood would be for 6 weeks. The Chemo was up in the air.   She referred me to a Medical Oncologist, which I should be meeting with sometime this week.
• Back to work tomorrow, which is kind of good - I need my routine as much as it gets on my nerves!
  

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all my neighborhood friends for the prayers and positive vibes!!!!!

Everything went great yesterday.  The first thing done was the Needle Localization, this involved inserting a wire in my breast along with some sort of contrast so that Dr. M would know exactly what to remove during the surgery.  Other than the needle used for the local anesthesia it was painless, although the wire sticking out of my breast was rather strange.

After that I was prepped for surgery, IV put in (ouch!) and signed final consent forms.  It was so comforting to have my family and friends waiting with me - we actually had fun talking and laughing.  So much so, the patient in the room next to me complained that we were too loud!  Guess we were having too much fun.

The Anesthesiologist came in - Dr. Axmann (what a name!) and explained how he was going to administer my "happy juice" and then a few minutes later my Surgeon, Dr. M came in to meet the family and friends.  Shortly thereafter, I was wheeled off to the OR.

Why did I try to throw up when the techs told me to move onto the table in the OR?  I think it was nerves :)  I have no other explanation for my weirdness.  Dr. A must have started the "happy juice" at some point after that because I remember absolutely nothing from that point until I woke up in the recovery room.

I am happy to report that I have had hardly any pain!  I'm poppin Darvocet ever four hours which has worked wonderfully well.  There is a drain from the breast that has to be emptied a couple of times a day.  C has been wonderful in owning that gross task :).  My main complaint has been the side effects of the breathing tube that was inserted during the surgery - a sore throat, hoarseness and chest cold like symptoms. 

I'm so happy this part of the process is over.  Dr. M will contact me in a couple of days to discuss the Pathology report.  And the drain should be removed in the next few days.  Next will be to meet with a Medical Oncologist to discuss Chemotherapy and to start Radiation Therapy.

Getting sleepy ~ peace!

Well the real battle begins tomorrow!  The surgery to remove the cancer from my breast and right armpit.   I am nervous, scared actually.  My family and friends will be there to provide their support which is something that I am truly thankful for. 

I ran some last minute errands this afternoon and couldn't help but think about tomorrow and if I will be here.  My daughter T has always told me "gosh mom, don't say stuff like that!"  I have a very, "just keeping it real" type mentality.  Since this diagnoses I have been doing my best to stay positive (and have been for the most part), but sometimes find I am really trying to convince myself to be/remain positive - That probably makes no sense. On the flip side, I feel that Dr M. is extremely competent and I have nothing to worry about tomorrow. 

I was instructed to take the week off to recuperate.  I plan to read and overdose on Reality TV :) If I'm not to bad off I will make a post or two.

As much as I have wanted to, but held back from, I was forced to buy an iPhone.  Well, yea "forced" is a bit of a stretch :)  Most who know me, know I'm cheap as hell.  I like "stuff" but I always over analyze purchases which typically allows me to talk myself out of buying the item.

I'm an Apple fanatic and said I would get the iPhone as soon as it hit the store shelf.  Problem was, I had a perfectly working phone with my Motorola Q on the Sprint network.  I just couldn't justify the purchase.  The MotoQ started flaking out about three weeks ago - not holding a charge, going dead, just acting plum crazy!  I bought a brand new battery thinking that was root cause of the issue.  The problem persisted, to the point that I could only use it when it was on the AC adapter.  So, I went weeks with missing calls and dealing with the frustration of the phone.  I can't miss calls, especially from the physicians involved in my treatment, the MotoQ had to go.

Behold, all that is beautiful in telephony and technology combined... (I'm a geek at the highest level!)

Anyone that has visited my home or knows me is aware of the fact that I am a dog lover, and enjoy dog art!  I found 3 prints by Emily Burrowes a couple of days ago and just love them.  These first two are over my tv/entertainment center in my bedroom.  The next one of the West Highland Terrier is over the desk in my bedroom.  And I threw in the freaky one of the bull dog that I couldn't get the reflection of my bed and nightstand out of :) Blame it on my terrible photography skills.

Met with Dr. M this afternoon.  She had me waiting a tad bit longer than I cared to (she don't know me yet!  She must learn, Hop no likey to waitey).  Good thing I took my iTouch and was able to pick up the hospital's wireless network, so I read blogs and emails until she floated in the room and graced me with her fabulousness.

She basically explained the MRI report in terms that were easy to understand.  Then she wanted to discuss genetic testing, which is something we had not discussed before.  She suggested I undergo testing to see if I carry a certain gene that predisposed me to have Breast Cancer.  The gene is only found in about 10% of BC patients, however knowing this information offers more options and is information that would be beneficial to my daughter T and brother - If I carry the gene they might also (men can get BC).  Three tubes of blood were drawn to send to the genetic testing facility and should be back in about 2 weeks.  Dr. M indicated that the test was very expensive - $3000.00.  Thank god for insurance!

Next she wanted me to go over to the surgery center to get pre - registered.  I wasn't expecting more blood draws, a EKG and chest X-Ray.  Work was slow today, luckily, since I was there all afternoon.  Anyway, I'm all set for surgery.

Dr. M. has reviewed my MRI and reports that there appears to be no spread of the disease outside of the breast.  I will have a pre-op appointment where she will explain the MRI in detail and what she is going to be doing during the surgery. 

Surgery is scheduled for early May.  I was hoping by the end of April like she originally said - I just want to get this damn show on the road!  Guess the surgery schedule is full.  I'm supposed to have two procedures, which will be explained during the pre-op appointment also.  I know one procedure is the actual removal of the cancerous mass, the other must be to remove lymph nodes under my arm - but, she will confirm.

This really puts a damper on my trip to Puerto Rico, which is May 22nd.  It's just too close after the surgery to risk it, I will have drains and I'm sure I will be sore - I don't want to risk it.  I purchased the travel protection when I booked the trip - good thing!  I cancelled it, they only kept a $83.00 penallty charge.

Greece is looking pretty shitty too - I think I will be in the throws of radiation therapy in July.  Oh well, there is always next year!

Not painful, but VERY odd.  This breast MRI was needed to see the extent of cancer that can't be seen with a regular mammogram.  The Aurora Breast MRI system is the only MRI designed specifically for breast imaging.  Currently, there are only two available in the Dallas area - Dr J. has one and there is one located at the hospital were Dr. M practices.  Dr. M ordered the MRI, so I went to her location yesterday afternoon to have it done.

My daughter T went with me, which was great because I was somewhat nervous - mainly because of the unknown.  I had to get an IV for two reason, 1 - to have a line on me in case "something went wrong" and 2 - for them to add the contrast (dye) into my system which helps them see what they need to see.

OK, the IV.... needle was no joke!  I closed my eyes and turned my head.  The lady, said "are you OK?"  I swallowed hard and said "uh huh".  I have very tiny veins - this could be a problem going forward.  She tapped my arms and had me squeeze a tiny basketball for what seemed like hours, but was really only a few minutes.  After locating a vein in my right arm she inserted the IV - ouch!

Next I had to board the Aurora.  Basically, its face down ass up!  Your forehead and chin rest on cushions, your boobies have to hang through two holes while your arms are extended forward - THIS IS NOT A GOOD LOOK! The technician told me that the machine is very loud so they put headphones on patients and play the music of their choice.  She really didn't have what I wanted to listen to, so I picked 70's R&B.  She advised that there would be 4-5 45 second scans and a 5 minute scan.  After the 5 minute scan she would bring me out and insert the contrast and do 2 more 5 minute scans.

So the tech gives me more instructions like - don't move, don't raise your head, don't take deep breathes and breath normally and then gave me a ball to squeeze if I felt any discomfort or needed her to stop the scans. She said "here we go!" Like I was at the fair on a ride or some shit! and pushed me into the "tunnel".  She turned on the loud ass 70's R&B music and started speaking to me - I could hear her voice through the headphones.  She said, "you doing OK?"  "the first scan will start in a few minutes"

OMG - this machine was SO INCREDIBLY LOUD!  When it started, it actually scared me, and my heart started beating really fast. I wanted to squeeze that damn ball immediately!  The sound of the machine totally over powered the music. After the first scan she said "are you OK?"  "Is the music loud enough?"  I said "you can turn it up, and turn the machine down - lol"   The scans went on forever, I noticed that my arms started getting stiff, so I was really wishing it would be over soon.  When she inserted the contrast she said, "you might get a metallic taste and smell in your mouth or nose" and that it was normal.  I didn't get either, so that was good.

Overall, it wasn't a bad experience limited pain associated with it.  Mainly just uncomfortable and loud as hell. I'm happy that this advanced technology was available to me, it can only help.   Dr. M will review the images and contact me with next steps.